It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize