I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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