conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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