I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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