Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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