i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
