Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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