my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
