Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
