I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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