That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
