Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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