1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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