Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
