Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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