She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
