i really wish james franco would like my vagina
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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