I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
40s are totally the cure
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
