He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
