I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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