I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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