i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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