Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
