You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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