Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
