drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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