who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
