but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
