I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm too high and old for this...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
