This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
