No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
