you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
