Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's not a walk of shame if you run
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
