she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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