its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
