Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
