U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
