I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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