Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
