Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
