The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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