Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
