okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
