i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Life is so much better after having sex.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
