What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
