I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
