This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
