He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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