So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Someone came in the potted fern
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
