when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
