So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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