Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
