Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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