It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
