Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
