You really coming over, don't trick.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
