dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
