she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
